


One Foot in Front of the Other

by SeaDog11



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25168636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaDog11/pseuds/SeaDog11
Summary: Gaza took a piece of Donna, and Josh is doing his damndest to find that piece and put her back together.
Relationships: Josh Lyman/Donna Moss
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	One Foot in Front of the Other

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to JOBrien42 for being my sounding board for this one and helping me shape this story!

Josh Lyman has always hated to run. In his youth he tolerated running around a baseball diamond and as a young man he condoned it to escape the possibility of being late to class. Most days though, he was on time. As a student he was good about that kind of thing. He still is.

Josh should have known from the beginning that he and John Hoynes wouldn't see eye to eye. The man often enjoyed a jog along the Potomac in lieu of a traditional meeting in an office. It was hard enough for Josh to get his point across to his former boss without the added stress of running. He hated those meetings.

But that was then.

Now, Josh Lyman likes to run. It clears his head and allows him to think about the important things. Or rather, the important thing.

Donna.

She's been on his mind for nearly seven and a half years, because Joshua Lyman is in love with Donnatella Moss. He's pretty sure he's felt that way since the moment he met her, whether he realized it at the time or not. But it isn't thoughts of love that are making him run every morning at five AM.

No. It's thoughts of worry.

He's worried about her, because something is wrong, and he can feel it. Gaza took a piece of Donna, and Josh is doing his damndest to find that piece and put her back together.

"Why did I send her there?" It's the first question he asks himself on his daily run, and today is no different. The routine is the same. He makes his way down the front steps of his brownstone and briefly stretches his legs before taking a deep breath and heading down the street. He asks himself the question the moment he takes his first step and feels his foot hit the pavement.

He never answers it. Even if he did have an answer, it wouldn't change the outcome, so why bother.

"It's my fault." Today, just like every morning, Josh blames himself. He shakes his head back and forth, trying to get the image of her in a burning SUV out of his mind. He presses his tongue to the roof of his mouth as he picks up his pace for a few minutes. He's trying desperately to run away from his thoughts.

She's shutting him out, and Josh knows that. Whatever it is that's going on with Donna, she doesn't want him to know about it. The comfortable warmth of their relationship is becoming colder by the day and it's only a matter of time until he is completely iced out.

Josh can't stand the thought of it.

Eventually, he finds his comfortable stride and starts to focus on how he can help Donna, but he's been brainstorming ways to help her for weeks and nothing works. All of his efforts seem to rub her the wrong way, and it doesn't help that he's made a few mistakes. Reading the note on her flower arrangement was possibly the biggest of all, but he just couldn't help himself. He felt jealous that someone else was sending her flowers.

His mind continues to turn and it's when he feels the dull ache in his right shin that it dawns on him. "How the hell can you help someone when you don't know what's really wrong?" The question stops Josh in his tracks and he hisses as he gently rubs his leg. A stress fracture or shin splint is not what he needs right now. It's probably the shoes. Donna always told him that he needs something with better arch support. His upper lip quivers into a smile as he lets the memory wash over him. A happier time.

Deciding to run through the pain, he finds his rhythm again. If Donna can make it to work every day in her condition, then he can deal with a sore Tibia. His mind drifts back to the question he should be trying to answer.

He continues to run at a steady pace, hoping a solution will suddenly wander into his mind. But as the sun begins to appear over the horizon, Josh still has no answers. Frustrated with his lack of progress, he quickens his pace.

His body isn't used to it. He feels the humid August air fill his lungs and for a brief moment Josh feels like he can't breathe, but then he remembers that he knows exactly what that feels like, and this isn't that feeling. He hears his heart pounding in his ears, but the rhythmic sound is nowhere near as loud as the voice in his head screaming at him to find an answer.

"What's wrong with Donna?" Josh keeps asking himself as he struggles to maintain his new stride. Frustration and desperation keep him from giving in to the inability to catch his breath and the deep ache in his leg. "Just one foot in front of the other", he reminds himself over and over. He matches his words to each step he takes.

The street lights fade as the sun makes its way up further into the sky, but the streets themselves are still quiet. It's a far cry from the impending noise that will overcome the city within the hour. The early morning calm will lead to chaos and Josh will be forced to end his run without answers. He will have failed Donna.

That's just not acceptable to him.

"One foot in front of the other …" He's now reverted back to his usual pace, but somehow the words are still tumbling out of him. They've gone from inside his head to being repeated quietly, outloud. He doesn't even remember when the shift happened.

"One foot in front of the-" Josh stops immediately. He stands still for a moment, the only sound he hears is his rapid heartbeat as understanding washes over him.

"That's all she's trying to do. Put one foot in front of the other." He says it quietly, but the epiphany has opened the floodgates as his mind suddenly races toward two very painful conclusions:

PTSD.

Survivors Guilt.

He feels the river of anxiety flow through his body and knows the impending tidal wave of panic is nearing.

"How long has she been hiding it?" He wonders as he pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration, but then quickly admonishing himself for asking the wrong question. The question he should be asking himself is why didn't he notice it? He feels tiny beads of sweat pour into his eyes, mixing with the salty tears that were already forming. He makes an attempt to swat at his eyes and it only adds to the burning sensation, but it's nothing compared to the pain radiating from his chest over Donna. Unconsciously, Josh's hand drifts to his scar and it's only then that he realizes it's been 5 years to the day since Rosslyn.

He doesn't let his mind dwell on it. Thoughts of that horrifying night won't serve him well here. Instead, he shifts his memories to that Christmas. Donna saw his pain and yet these past several weeks he couldn't see hers.

"Maybe she didn't want me to see. Maybe she didn't want anybody to see", Josh thinks to himself as he brushes his hands through his unkempt locks, tugging slightly at the curls. it's longer now; he's grown it out since returning from Germany. In the past, Donna has mentioned his unruly auburn locks, joking that "all the girls like his curls." And Josh thinks that maybe she likes them too, but he's not sure. So just in case, he grew his hair out for her.

The realization of how tired his body is begins to set in. His overall fatigue coupled with the summer heat is bringing on a persistent headache and he feels the relentless throbbing against his temples and behind his eyes. But despite the pain, Josh is much more at ease now. He feels like he can help the love of his life get through her darkest time. It's not too late.

Josh Lyman may not have a nine-point plan to help Donna Moss, but maybe they can come up with one together. Whether it be Survivors Guilt, PTSD, both, or something else, all he needs to do is let her know that he's still here. He will make damn sure that she can put one foot in front of the other every day until she's healed and out here running with him, probably leaving him in the dust and teasing him about it later.

He feels a brief reprieve from the heat as a rare light gust of wind trails through his hair. Josh takes it as a gentle reminder to continue with his run in the direction he was already headed in.

Taking a deep breath, Josh sprints down the street putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as his body will allow. He's pretty sure he's never run this fast in his life, hell, he knows it. He can't feel the ache in his leg anymore and he's pushed past the humid air filling his lungs. All that matters is getting to Donna.

And as he comes to an intersection he crosses the street without a second thought.

Because when it comes to Donnatella Moss, Joshua Lyman doesn't stop for red lights.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. I'm trying something different. My stories are usually heavy on dialogue, and this one has none. I'm trying to go outside my writing comfort zone. I've been feeling a little "meh" about my writing lately. I don't know if this one has a second chapter or not. For now I will say it's "complete". I enjoyed writing third person present tense. I might try continuing with it from time to time. I hope you enjoyed :)


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